Tattoo
by CCroquette
Summary: All sailors have tattoos. Everyone knows this, so how come no one has ever seen Piers's?


"Maybe it's his mother's name?" guessed Sheba.

Jenna shook her head. "No! He's a sailor and an ex-convict. He's supposed to be tough. There's nothing tough about that."

"I suppose you're right."

"Ooh!" Jenna squealed. "I just had an idea! What if it's a naked woman riding a kraken?"

Sheba pondered this. "I don't think Piers likes naked women."

"What do you think it is, then?"

"It could be a dragon."

"Could be."

* * *

><p>Felix headed towards the table, nestled in the back corner of the inn's common room, where Jenna and Sheba sat. As he did, he eyed them warily. Ever since they arrived they'd been laughing a lot and making faces that he usually associated with Trouble. They giggled as he sat down, and then stared at him expectantly. Clearly they were up to something.<p>

He sighed. "What is it?"

Sheba leaned towards him. "Have you ever seen it?"

"Seen what?"

"Piers's tattoo! Have you ever seen it? Jenna thinks it's a naked woman but I don't think so because Piers seems like the type to love his ship more than his mother and I think it's a dragon and it probably has lightning bolts coming out of it too because that makes more sense than anything else and anyway he's always looking at you and maybe he wants a different tattoo but I don't think anyone would tattoo that on him because it's not appropriate!" She stopped, having run out of breath, and looked at him hopefully.

Felix raised an eyebrow. He'd understood just enough of what she'd said to understand that he didn't want to understand any more of it, but when Sheba got like this it could be difficult to stop her. He seized on the least problematic piece of information. "Piers has a tattoo?"

"Duh!" said Sheba. "All sailors have them! Isn't that right, Jenna?"

Jenna nodded sagely. "Yep. It's practically a law. Man sails a ship, he's bound to have ink on him somewhere."

Felix considered this, choosing for the moment not to inquire as to how his little sister apparently knew about 'men.' A tattoo? There certainly didn't seem to be any reason that it wouldn't be plausible. Piers did sail a ship, after all.

He shrugged, and turned his attention to dinner. The curry here was a bit heavy on the tomatoes, but tasty nonetheless. After several moments of rather unnerving silence, he looked up to find Sheba inches from his face, grinning eagerly.

"Sohaveyouseenit?"

"...no? Why would I have?"

Sheba rolled her eyes. "Because you share a _cabin_, dummy!"

"And?"

"So, haven't you seen each other, you know…" She leaned even further forward and tried to lower her voice, but ended up speaking in a squeal instead of a whisper. "_Naked?_"

"What? No!" Felix looked around. The other patrons were beginning to stare.

"Oh, come on! Haven't you ever been like, 'Oh my, it's certainly sweltering in here, I'll just take off my pa-'"

"Hey!" Jenna exclaimed, sending a warning jet of flame skittering across the table. Felix moved his plate out of the way. "That's my _brother_ you're talking about! Sick!"

Sheba stuck her tongue out at her and sat back down. Undeterred, she went on, "So you haven't seen it, then?"

"No."

She sat there quietly for a moment - too quietly - and fixed him with a calculating sort of look that he decided he definitely didn't like. "What do _you_ think it is, Felix?"

Jenna smiled. He decided he didn't like that look either. "Yes, Felix, what do you think it is?"

He stared back at them both. When it was clear that remaining silent wasn't going to get him out of this one, he answered, "How should I know? I already told you I haven't seen it!"

"Well, you spend more time with him than the rest of us do - not like _that_, Sheba! Haven't you got any insight into his personality or something by now? You know, like male bonding?"

"No?"

Sheba's eyes narrowed. "Well, even if you don't have any insight, do you think it could be a giant dragon shooting lightning bolts out its eyeballs?"

"Of course not!" Jenna answered before he could. "It's a naked woman!"

"It _can't_ be! Felix, what's it most likely to be?"

He considered his surroundings, but he'd foolishly picked the seat in the corner. Jenna was in on this too, so if he tried to flee she'd just trip him and then there'd be bruising. Maybe if he answered they'd drop the subject. "I don't know. An anchor?"

Sheba turned to Jenna, triumphant. "See? Felix knows him! An anchor makes _way _more sense than a naked woman!"

Jenna crossed her arms, pouting. "Yeah, 'cause a dragon shooting lightning out its eyes is _totally_ something Piers would do…." she muttered.

"Did I hear my name?"

Piers strolled up, grinning, a piece of parchment in hand. "Felix! I've been looking everywhere for you! I managed to get us a good deal on suppli-"

"Piers!" Sheba had jumped half out of her seat again, and her attention was now fixed on him with an intensity that would have scared anyone with half an ounce of sense.

Inwardly, Felix sighed. She'd giggled when he said 'Felix.' He did not like where this was heading.

"Sheba!" Piers laughed. Though he'd been with the group for some time now, he often failed to comprehend how truly diabolical Jenna and Sheba could be. "What's going on?"

"Piers," she began urgently, a look of grave seriousness on her face. "Piers, is it an anchor or a dragon shooting lightning out its eyeballs? I say it's a dragon-"

Aaaand, then came the words he'd been dreading. "But _Felix_ says it's an anchor. So which one of us is right?"

Pier's brow furrowed. "About what?"

The girls turned to stare at Felix, who said nothing. He contemplated flipping the table over and running away in the ensuing distraction, or summoning a nice, destructive Ragnarok, but then there would be _questions_. He'd already talked quite enough for one day.

"Tell him, Felix," said Jenna, an evil grin spreading across her face.

He was going to get her back for this, that was for sure. Maybe he could get Mud to rearrange her hairstyle as she slept…or poison her. That would work too.

"Felix?" Piers asked, looking puzzled.

Hells and demons. If he left now Piers would think it was all his idea. Of course, if he answered Piers would think it was all his idea too. There really was no escape. He coughed, and spoke as quietly as possible. "Your tattoo."

Piers stared. "My what?"

He could feel the tips of his ears burning already. "Your, er, tattoo…"

Silence, and for some gods-awful reason he felt the need to fill it. "You know, all.. sailors...have them?" He trailed off, blushing furiously.

Piers continued staring.

That was it. He wasn't having anything to do with the two of them ever again. The next time a monster attacked, they were on their own. He stood up, pushed his way past Jenna, and fled.

* * *

><p>Jenna, with Sheba as her giggling entourage, found him an hour later in their room, lying on the bed with his hand over his face and trying not to think. She sat down on the edge of the mattress and shook his shoulder roughly.<p>

"Oh, come on, cheer up! It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's like that time Sheba threw up in my shoes."

Sheba nodded, helpfully. "I had a lot to drink that night."

"I mean, yeah, at first I was angry, and all right, I might have set her bed on fire, but now we're laughing about it, aren't we?"

Felix groaned and pulled a pillow over his face. This was _not _happening.

"Look, at least _Kraden_ wasn't involved. Be thankful for the small things, Felix!"

"You can't make me."

Jenna sighed, loudly. "Fine then." She got up and left, muttering about how _some people_ needed to learn to look at the bright side. Sheba followed, giggling.

Some minutes later, he heard footsteps. Only one set of footsteps, which meant...

He braced himself for the inevitable freezing, or dousing, or whatever Piers was going to do.

"An anchor was a good guess."

No ice?

He pushed away the pillow and immediately got an eyeful of Piers, who had part of his shirt pulled up - _no! _- and a corner of his shorts pulled down - _noooo!_ - revealing an expanse of pale hipbone and -

"_Iris!_"

"Actually, it's a naked woman riding a kraken. Had it done I was young and foolish." He laughed. "Good thing it's hidden, I don't like it much anymore. I'm still confused as to how you knew about it, though."

Felix rolled over and pulled the pillow back over his head, tightly enough to suffocate. He hoped.

_Not. Happening._


End file.
